Walking on stardust
by LadyTrish
Summary: Noah is four years old and has lost everything that ever mattered in his life. Now, it's up to Ziva and the team to teach him what it means to be a normal four year old...TIVA and McAbby at one point. Rated T for safety
1. Light of my life

**Hey Guys!!!Well, as you probably have noticed "His past, her present, their pain" is still on hiatus...I still don't know where I'm going with that story, but I have something else for you. This is an idea that got stuck in my head a long time ago, and I actually wrote the first chapter a couple of weeks ago, but did not have time to post it online. Now, Here is the first chapter...**

**read&review, but most importantly enjoy :))**

**xoxo LT  
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Light of my life**

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"You have to leave this place Mili. Now! Take him and leave." The dark haired man spoke.

"Caleb, I can't do that. I just can't let you and Becka alone. You'll die." The slender, blond woman replied.

"Mili, you are our only chance. You have to take him and hide." Becka responded.

"No! I'll fight with you." Mili argued while another round of bullets was flying around them, barely missing her left leg.

Caleb ducked, pulling Becka with him along the way. Mili pulled the crying boy next to her body, while scooting over where the couple lay.

"Leave, now. We will cover your. Just take Noah and run. You'll be able to hide and then you can contact her." Caleb spoke urgently, while aiming at another attacker. While he spoke, another sniper fell to the dusty ground. Becka lowered her gun, giving Mili an angry look.

"Why, don't you understand? He is all that we have left. If you don't save him, if you don't take him away from this place, they will hunt him down and kill him. There is no chance for us to survive, but he has one. If you take him away he will be able to live a normal life. She will protect him." Becka spoke, while loading her rifle again.

"But you will both die. If I stay here, you have a chance. I can fight with you. We can wait for back up. I'm sure that they are on their way!" Mili replied, collecting the boy's tears with her thumb.

"Stupid girl! If you stay here, you'll die and so will he. No one is coming! He sent us on this mission expecting us not to return; he sent both Becka and me to die. The only thing he doesn't expect is that we took Noah with us." Caleb snapped, picking the boy up and cradling him in his arms.

"I don't believe that Caleb. He would never do something like that." Mili yelled outraged.

Caleb grimaced disgusted. "You do believe everything he says! My dear girl, he doesn't care about anybody else except himself. When you become a liability, he'll discard you like an old useless cloth."

"Caleb, we have to move. Do you see the metal box over there?" Becka asked, while pointing at a rusty old container.

He only nodded and squeezed her arm. "I'll cover you both. Just run, ok Mili?" Becka spoke and the slender woman nodded.

Mili took the boy from Caleb, positioning him safely in her arms, her legs already aching with the anticipation of the run that lay ahead of her. She could feel the adrenaline rising in her, but she could feel the little boy tensing in her arms, hiding his head in her chest. Mili knew that the boy will probably have nightmares later on. The shooting was constant and Noah had been covering his ears or twitching nervously every time a bullet came flying closer to them.

Becka pulled herself off the ground and send a round of bullets towards the attackers, her red hair hanging from her head, while sweat trickled down her forehead. Over the last few minutes, while they were discussing her son's and Mili's escaped, the terrorist had been receiving back up and she knew that if they didn't move soon they will not stand a chance in front of the armed men. The abandoned truck had been a good hideout, but it could not protect them anymore. She left out a load scream and pulled another gun from her back holster.

"Run !" she yelled in between bullets.

Caleb and Mili ran towards the container, Mili holding the boy with her left hand while aiming at one of the attackers with her right. A few feet later the two adults ducked behind the container while Becka came running towards them. It was clear to the two other adults that she had been wounded;her right side was bleeding intensely. She managed to reach the others, and Caleb noticed that she was wincing.

"Butterfly, you are hurt." Caleb stated.

"It is nothing." Becka replied, ripping her scarf and trying to tie it around her side. Her eyes moved towards the little boy, now in her husband's arms. His big brown eyes, mirroring hers, were looking at her, fear evident. He reached his small hand towards her, and she just kissed his chubby fingers.

"Don't worry tateleh. Ima's fine." She smiled.

In the mean time, Mili had been shooting at their attackers, taking three down in the process. They could hear angry swears and more footsteps. More men were approaching and Caleb looked at his wife. When Mili ducked to recharge her gun, he spoke faintly.

"Mili, please take him. We haven't got much time. Please, do this for us. His life is more important to us then ours." He explained caressing his son's check.

"No! I refuse to let you die. Noah needs a family, not some other woman that has not seen him since he was a baby, to take care of him. It is wrong and you should know that." She yelled back at him.

Her words barely left her lips, and she felt a stinging sensation in her right check. Surprised Mili turned around only to spot Becka's angry brown eyes.

"She's my best friend and Noah's godmother. She's the only person that I would trust with my life and my sons. Yes, she might be a stranger to Noah, but I know that she'll keep her promise, I know she'll keep him safe." Becka spoke, slowly turning away from her and taking her son in her lap.

"Now, you will do what Caleb and I have asked you to do. Go back to our safe house, not the one _they _know about, but the one we set up two years ago and take out of the safe two passports. One is for you and the other one for Noah. You'll find instructions, guns and money in the safe as well. Take everything and leave the country as soon as possible. Before you leave the safe house, take Noah's brown bear with you. It's his favorite toy; he never parts from it. Leave during the night and head for Haifa; there you will contact a man named Ashfar; he'll have a plane ready for you and Noah. We told him that you will come and he has promised us to get you both out of the country. "Becka explained.

"Speak to no one about this; do not contact your family or friends. Your mission is to get Noah safely out of the country and take him to her. Don't let yourself captured, and if you do take two pills from the safe. One is for you and the other one for Noah, but your first priority is to make sure that Noah does not suffer. Do you understand that Mili?" Caleb asked ducking from another rounds of bullets.

"Becka we have to move. They are coming closer and I don't know how long we can hold them off. The warehouse is close. We can hide there and make sure that Mili and Noah can flee." The dark haired man explained, pulling his wife closer to him.

She only nodded, while hugging the boy closer to her chest.

"On my count we all run; Mili you'll be first and Becka will follow, while I'll be right behind you covering the both of you."

The two other women nodded while carefully standing up.

"One…two…run!" Caleb yelled, while the two other leaped from behind the container, running towards the warehouse.

Caleb and Mili began shooting, ducking their heads in the process, while Becka turned her back against the attackers clutching Noah closer to her chest.

Once safely inside , Caleb pointed the nearest room, indicating a door that led to the outside of the warehouse.

"Hide behind the staircase. Now! I'll keep an eye out in case they are coming for us. We took some of their men down, but I'm sure that they are regrouping as we speak. We don't have too much time; they will have the place circled in a few minutes." Caleb spoke, urgency present in his voice.

Becka turned towards Mili and whispered:" Mili, please! We will be forever grateful to you, if you save him." Her eyes scanning Noah's features.

The pain in Becka's eyes made Mili decide. She dropped her eyes from mother and son and sighted heavily. "Fine! I'll leave, although I hate what I'm doing and I will never be able to forgive myself for leaving you alone."

"Todah, Mili. Todah!" Becka spoke, her brown eyes content but full of grief. She absently rubbed circles on Noah's back, feeling the texture of the sweater she had knitted for him not so long ago.

Caleb exhaled loudly, his shoulder slumping slightly, his features relaxing. His hands balled into fists, letting the pain go through him. He knew that it would be the last time he would ever get to see his little boy.

"I'll give you three some privacy." Mili spoke, while getting her guns out and walking towards the entrance of the warehouse.

Caleb walked towards the stairs where Becka was holding Noah. He let his gun drop to the floor and kneeled next to his wife, brushing his fingers on Noah's face.

"My little boy, aba will miss you very much." He trailed away.

"Light of my life, be good for your dodah. Listen to what she tells you; she loves you very much." Becka trailed away gazing at the little boy while he was looking intensely at her.

"Always say your prayers and never forget that ima and aba love you very much." Caleb whispered.

Although the boy was only four years old, he seemed to understand that something was wrong. His parents were saying good bye to him and at first he didn't understand why they were doing this, yet somehow his pure mind and his tinny heart told him that he would never see his parents again. Hot tears appeared at the corner of his eyes, gushing down his cheeks.

"Sssshh Noah! Don't cry; big boys don't cry."Becka smiled, wiping a tear from his eyes.

Noah sniffed loudly, while lunging at his mother's neck, nestling his head in the crock of her neck.

"Ima, don't go!" Noah hushed.

Caleb put a hand on his back, soothing him, while hugging his family. A silent tear escaped his eye, while Becka hugged Noah closer to her body. She inhaled deeply, trying to burn in her nostrils Noah's sweet vanilla scent.

Laud gun shots, that seemed to be coming closer, pulled the family apart. Caleb kissed Noah's head, while he rushed towards the entrance of the warehouse.

"Mili, it's time." He yelled, gun in hand.

The blond slender woman ran towards Caleb, blood gushing out of her arm. Caleb greeted her at the entrance and handed her a gun.

"Take this! It's loaded and it will help you escape. Guard him with your life Mili, he is all that we have." Caleb spoke, while applying pressure on her wounded arm.

Mili ran towards the stairs, where Becka was soothing Noah. She saw the urgency in Mili's eyes and she tried to unclench Noah's small fist from her blouse.

"No, Ima! I don't want to leave you. You won't come back!" Noah yelled holding on tightly to her.

"Noah, ima has to leave and help aba. Your dodah will take care of you, I promise." Becka explained, a frown creasing her forehead.

"Dodah Iva is not ima! Don't go, please!" Noah cried.

"Sssshhh, my darling! Everything will be fine, I promise." she said, kissing the top of his head

She managed to peel the little boy from his desperate embrace and hand him to Mili. Noah struggled to get loose from the blond woman's grip, but she held him securely.

"Leave Mili! We will back you up. Don't look back, don't stop. We are counting on you. Once you reach her, you will be free. There is enough money in the safe to help you start a new life wherever you want. Change your name, forget everything, and never return to this place." Becka advised, picking her gun up from the floor.

"Be safe Noah, ima and aba love you very much." She spoke, looking at her son." Good luck Mili, and may God be with you!" she trailed away.

She turned around towards Caleb and the increasing sound of gunshots, while Mili stormed through the back door out of the warehouse. Noah looked over Mili's shoulder and the last thing he saw before the door closed with a thud was his mother falling to the floor in a sea of bullets.

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Dictionary:

dodah-aunt


	2. I don't like you very much

**Hey guys,**

**as I promised, here is the next chapter of this story. Thank you very much for your wonderful reviews, they really make me very happy. I have finals next week and on Thursday I'm leaving home for Christmas, but I promise I'll try to update before I leave, but you can be sure that there will be a chapter Friday the latest.**

**Read and please review, but more importantly enjoy.**

**xoxo LT.**

**I don't own NCIS or the characters, I only own a very temperamental laptop and a twisted imagination :))  
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I don't like you very much**

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He wanted to flirt with her, annoy her, and even let her kill him only so he would be able to get a response out of her. He had been working with her for the past four years, and Anthony DiNozzo recognized now when something was wrong with his partner. She was sitting on her desk, a distant look on her face, but every time she snapped back out of her trance, he would notice something disturbing in her eyes. Ziva's eyes were like pools of perfect dark chocolate, a glint of mischief present in them almost all the time. Yet today she was far away with her thoughts and he didn't know what to do get her back. For the past twenty minutes he had been staring at her, hoping that she would feel his gaze and then yell at him. Yet his efforts were in vain, and he was starting to get concerned.

In the mean time, McGee had been studying Tony intensely. Normally it would have taken DiNozzo, a few minutes to feel that somebody was looking at him, but now, he was so immerged in studying Ziva's features that he didn't notice McGee's gaze. His eyes glided towards the elevator to see if Gibbs would be storming in any minute and yell at him that he was not done with his paper work.

When he couldn't notice Gibbs' presence he let his gaze wander towards Ziva. He could see now why Tony was so concerned with her. Ziva's eyes were glassy and McGee feared that her thoughts had glided back to Somalia. He knew that there were days when she was anxious and not comfortable in her own skin, but lately it seemed that she was doing better. However he suspected that the last case had affected her more then she wanted to admit.

It had been a particularly hard week for them and McGee was glad that it was Friday and he would get to rest a little bit. On Tuesday they had found the body of a young lieutenant in a park impaled to a tree by a rusty old iron bar. While they were talking to suspects, two more bodies showed up, both killed in the same manner. There was no obvious connection between the three victims and the team had been struggling for two days to pin point a lead. Thursday morning all three agents had started to get desperate and Gibbs increasingly annoyed with their lack of results. Then the fourth body had showed up along with the killer's first mistake. He had sexually assaulted the victim, a young naval academy graduate, and impaled her to a tree in the Francis Scott Key Park. The semen found on the victim helped the team to identify the killer.

Ziva had twitched faintly when Ducky had told them that she had been raped repentantly before the murderer had taken her out of her misery. He also told them that she had fought her attacker, but he had injured her multiple times until she had lost consciousness. Although Ziva had never told them the full story of what had happened in Somalia, McGee was beginning to understand that her capturers had not resumed to only beatings and starvation.

Abby had been working continuously to provide them with a name and in the end she had been successful. Scott Branson, a 28 year old construction worker and a former student of the naval academy that had been kicked out of the academy two months before his graduation due to sexual assault on a fellow student, had killed the fourth victim out of jealousy. It seemed that the first three men had had brief contact with the fourth victim at a seminar two years prior to the murders. From what McGee had been able to find out, all three men had spoken to Leya, the fourth victim, while she worked as a volunteer at the seminar. It was the only time that the four had met, but it was enough for Scott to imagine all sorts of things. Branson, who had been in love with Leya but never had to courage to tell her, believed that she had been sleeping with each victim and decided to take revenge on them, while leaving Leya to be his final fatality.

After the case had been solved, Gibbs had given his three agents the day off so they could get some well deserved sleep, yet he demanded that they should return to headquarters the next morning and finish up their paper work. Yet somehow, when Gibbs walked into the bull pen with the ever present cup of coffee he could clearly see that his agents were far away from doing any proper work. One good look at DiNozzo and he knew that something was bothering him deeply. Tony was a goof ball in essence but at the same time he took his job very seriously, even if it meant paper work. From where he was standing Gibbs couldn't see at what exactly Tony was looking at, yet when he came closer he saw that McGee was doing any work either. The IT expert's eyes were pointing at the same direction as Tony's were, and he could see that both McGee's and Tony's brows were furrowed and a deep line creased their foreheads. A bad feeling washed over him, and he was pretty sure that he will not like what he would see. Quietly he walked into the bull pen causing both McGee and DiNozzo to raise their eyes. When they saw the older agent walk in, they began to busy themselves, but when Gibbs turned towards Ziva's he could see that his suspicion was right. He sighted , knowing all too well that she wasn't ok, that she was far away and it scared him. It seemed that every time her mind went back to Somalia it became increasingly harder to get her back. Her "trips" back to the time spent in captivity weren't that frequent as they used to be in the beginning but it didn't mean that it was easier to get her back to reality. It worried him to see her like that, and he didn't know what to do to help her. Ziva was a focused agent, but sometimes small events triggered such flashbacks, and he had a pretty good idea what had caused it this time.

When they had rescued Ziva from Saleem's hand they had brought her back to NCIS first. Back then he had insisted that a doctor should see her, but she had refused, allowing only Ducky to consult her. Later that night, after Ziva had checked into the NCIS dormitory, Ducky had come over to his house with a bottle of bourbon. The medical examiner had been extremely distressed and it took a lot of convincing and two glasses of bourbon to get him to talk. After Ducky had left, Gibbs had gone down to the basement and had smashed his boat with a sledge hammer. The words severe torture, brutal fractures, multiple rape and burn marks in the pubic area had brought him to the brink of a break down. He had let anger and guilt wash over him, while trying to forget Ducky's words by drinking another bottle of bourbon. The night brought horrible nightmares, all of them filled with her pale and bruised face, while Ducky's words continued to echo in his head. He had told no one of the extent of her injuries, and he was pretty sure that she hadn't told anyone either. Gibbs knew that if Tony would had known what she had gone through he would have been capable of going back to Somalia only resurrect and kill Saleem all over again.

The grey haired agent sat down at his desk, putting his coffee on the table, while looking at a file. He could hear typing, but he was pretty sure that their minds were not on the job. His gazed moved from the report, which was sitting in front of him to his agents. McGee was reading now something, but every couple of seconds he would peek at Ziva from behind his computer, while DiNozzo continued to have a grim expression on his face. Ziva was still staring at her computer screen but her eyes were as lifeless as at the moment he walked into the office. He sighted and stood up from his chair, walking in the middle of the bullpen. He could feel McGee's and Tony's gaze on him.

"Get your stuff and go grab lunch. I see none of you is getting any work done." He said, looking at them.

Slowly Ziva seemed to be returning to reality and she looked at Gibbs, confusion on her beautiful features.

"Hey Zi, want to grab some lunch at the Chinese place?" Tony asked and her eyes focused on him.

She seemed to put a lot of thought in her answer, and the silence started to become uncomfortable, so McGee joined in the conversation.

"Yeah Ziva, that would be great. I'll give Abby a call, I'm pretty sure she would love to join us."

"Thank you for the invitation Tony, but I'm not hungry. Thank you too Tim, but I need to finish my report." She stated weakly looking down on her paper work.

"Ziva a word, in my office." Gibbs spoke while the tow other agents looked at their boss and their co-worker. She only nodded and was about to move towards the elevator.

Right at that moment a soft sound was hear and the elevator doors slid open reveling officer Bashan followed by a slender woman dressed in khaki pants and a green tank top with a white unbuttoned shirt. They were heading towards Gibbs and Ziva with grave expressions. The slender woman and officer Bashan stopped in front of Ziva's desk, while she was still standing next to her chair looking at the two figures in front of her.

"Shalom Ziva! I hope you are well." Michael Bashan spoke, scanning Ziva from head to toe.

"Shalom Michael. I am fine, thank you. How may I assist you?" She asked, moving her gaze from her acquaintance to look at the young woman.

"Officer Harhi and I need to speak to you urgently Officer David. Privately, please." The man trailed away.

"It is agent David, officer Bashan, and you can speak freely in front of the team." She spoke, her tone harsher then intended.

"Ziva, this is a highly delicate matter that does concern you alone, not agent Gibbs, DiNozzo or McGee." Michael trailed away, annoyed by the lack of cooperation from Ziva's side.

"Officer Bashan, we can go up the conference room, but if Ziva wishes that the team stays nearby, then we don't intent to leave her side." Gibbs explained, while McGee and DiNozzo rose from their chairs.

The Mossad agent looked at the group gathered around Ziva and let out a breath that he did not know he was holding.

"Very well! _Agent_ David would you lead us to your conference room." He spoke. As soon as the word left his lips he could feel the woman's eyes on him.

"Michael! This does not concern them! It only concerns her! I will not tolerate this!" she yelled, outraged with officer Bashan' consent.

Ziva peeled her eyes from Bashan' face so she could look at the angry woman.

"Who are you and what is your business with me?" ZIva asked sharply.

"I will not discuss this matter in front of them." She said pointing at the three men who were inching closer to Ziva.

"Well if you want to speak to Ziva you have to say in front of us because we're not going anywhere." Tony spoke, positioning himself that he would be almost standing in front of his partner.

"You listen to me American…" the slender woman began.

"Enough! Officer Harhi, we do not have time for this. Agent Gibbs would you please show us the conference room?" Officer Bashan spoke.

Gibbs only nodded leading the way towards the conference room. By now most of the office was watching the small gathering, waiting to see what will happen next.

Tony reluctantly stepped towards Gibbs, but gave Ziva a glare, smiling reassuringly. She smiled back faintly, communicating silently. The interaction between the two partners did not go unnoticed and Mili snorted disapprovingly.

"Do you have something to say to me, officer Harhi?" Ziva asked in Hebrew.

"You became soft _agent _David. I wonder what your father would say if he would get to witness such behavior at the office? And you call yourself metsada!" Mili replied in the same language.

"Do not provoke me. I can still break every bone in your body if I want to." Ziva warned, stepping closer to the woman.

"David, enough!" Gibbs barked and she stepped away from the woman.

Once inside the conference room, the four agents invited Mili and officer Bashan to sit down.

"You all probably wonder why we came to. This is a highly complicated matter, and no one knows that we are here. Mili has fled Israel because she was asked to leave, and I am honoring a request based on an old debt. What I and officer Harhi will tell you will not leave this room. The only two people, beside myself, that know of Mili's presence in America are my wife and daughter. They are waiting for us in the car; no one will ever know that we have contacted you, Ziva. Mili, would you explain to agent David what this is all about?" Bashan asked turning in his seat so he could see the blond Israeli woman. She on the other hand only nodded and turned towards Ziva.

"Firstly agent David, I must tell you that I am not happy of being here. I do not like you and I have never given my full consent to this, further more I do not consider you as being the appropriate person for this task. Yet I have been asked to be here and by doing so I am honoring the last request of two people very dear to me, people that I call friends." She explained giving Ziva a poisons look.

Ziva on the other hand decided to ignore the look and waited patiently for what Mili still had to tell her.

"Ziva, two weeks ago Caleb and Becka had been sent on a mission very close to Zale in Lebanon. They had taken Noah, their son, with them and I accompanied them. Their mission was to eliminate a major terrorist cell, but they had gone in without back up. You may not know, but I owe Becka and Caleb my life, so when they asked me to go with them on this mission I agreed. Little did I know that the only reason they took me with them was so I could get Noah safely out of there, and later on out of Israel. But we will get to that later on. Like I was saying, once we had identified the cell, our task was to eliminate a man called Mushat and his whole cell. All along I was certain that back up was on the way, but when we were cornered near an abandoned warehouse, Caleb told me that they were sent on this mission to die, that no back up was on the way. When our pursuers started another round of shooting, I took Noah and ran, while Caleb and Becka covered my back. From the little intel that I could gathered I have found that both of them had been killed. I do not know if the bodies had been sent back to Mossad or not." Mili explained.

"YOU LET THEM DIE THERE????????? How dare you? How dare you call yourself their friend! What a coward you are. You just took Noah and ran away, without helping them. If you have stayed there, maybe they would have stood a chance. Now they are dead and you speak so calmly of it." Ziva yelled, outrage about the tale she was listening to. Her breathing was heretical and she had jumped from her seat. Her instincts were telling her to hurt the woman in front of her, the woman that had deserted her best friend and her husband.

"Do you think this was easy for me? You believe I wanted this? I told them I would stay with them and fight but they forced me to leave, telling me I was Noah's only chance. I did not want this to happen; I wanted to stay with them." Mili yelled back

"You should have tried harder officer Harhi." Ziva replied coldly.

Mili clenched her jaw, trying to get her temper under control. She knew that she had no way of explaining to the NCIS agent that her intention had always been to stay with the people she loved so much. The only thing that she could do was complete the mission she was given, so she continued with her story.

"They had given me instructions to take Noah out of there and then back to the safe house near Haifa. In Haifa a man was waiting for us with a plane and he took us to America. Becka and Caleb had prepared two passports and money for the journey and they had left a letter with instructions. They had contacted officer Bashan before the mission and announced that I would be arriving with Noah, so he had been waiting for us at the airport, from where he took us during the night. His task would be to get us safely to you. Becka has told me that you are Noah's godmother and that you have promised that you would take care of her son if there is ever such a need." She finished, sipping from a glass of water.

A soft knock was heard and young woman entered the room. She was holding a small boy on her left arm and pulling a large suitcase with her right hand.

"Thank you Ahava. Please return to the car and wait for us." Officer Bashan said and Ahava moved closer, putting the small boy on a chair and the suitcase next to him.

Once inside the room, Noah looked around with his big brown eyes, scanning the unfamiliar faces. Mili jumped from her seat, reaching for the boy, but he pulled away, causing Ziva to furrow her brow. Mili sat back down, annoyed by the boy's reaction. Noah's eyes then fixated Ziva's features stretching his arms out and calling out: "Dodah Iva!"

Ziva stood up carefully from her seat and walked towards the chair where Noah was sitting. She was studying him intensely and being so close to him, he could find Becka's fine and elegant features in his childish face. Her fingers caressed his forehead, while the boy scooted over so he could reach her better.

"I am here tateleh, Dodah is here, don't you worry." She spoke softly.

At that moment, Noah lunged into her arms and began sobbing. Ziva rubbed his back soothingly, holding him closer to her.

"Dodah, i..i…ima and aba come not back, dodah. Bad men hurt ima." He cried in the crock of her neck.

She could feel the sting of her unshed tears, so she held the crying boy tighter, while burying her face in his tinny body.


	3. Memories

**Dear all,**

**I must apologize for not updating in such a long time. The last couple of months have been extremely hard, and I am currently dealing with a lot of painful emotions. Please bear with me; I'll try my best to update, but I will not promise anything. **

**This chapter has been written a few months ago on paper, and I only managed to type it up now. The next one is also on paper and I will do my best to post it as soon as possible.**

**Read, review but mostly enjoy.**

**xoxo LadyTrish**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS...I wish I would, but I only own a broken laptop and an overactive imagination.  
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Memories**

Lunch time had come and she could feel the energy of the building being directed towards the exits. Most of the agents preferred to spend their free hour in a café or a restaurant in the vicinity of NCIS, and she knew that her own team was no different from the rest. Yet here she was, agent Ziva David, former Mossad officer, holding a four year old boy in her lap. His head snuggled close to her heart, his eyes shut tightly, his face still flushed from the strong wave of emotions he went through, his eyes still wet from the tears he shed, but now his breathing was even. Noah's right hand was curled into a fist, holding on to Ziva's blue blazer, while his left arm hung lazily next to her waist. He looked peaceful and content, but Ziva knew what lay beneath, she knew that it was only temporary escape from the world that took away his ima and aba.

Absent minded Ziva rubber Noah's back, while thousands of thoughts shot through her head. Anger, pain, disappear, grief were only a few but above all she was worried for the little boy in her lap and for herself. He stirred slightly, leaving out a heavy sight and for a second Ziva thought he might wake, but Noah continued his slumber. His action triggered a memory, long buried in her heart and pushed aside only to make room for more painful ones.

She remembered the way she used to hold Tali, when her father would yell at her younger sister for being happy all the time. She used to snuggle in her arms, the same way Noah did, crying and cursing only to fall asleep sooner after. Remembering Tali and the fact that she no longer walked this earth brought Ziva on the brink of tears, but she fought them back, locking the memory of her sister in the hidden drawers of her heart.

Another memory washed over her, this time related to Becka, and Ziva had to swallow the large lump forming in her throat. Becka and Ziva had met when they both were only eight years old. She remembered that day well, because it had been in Haifa, Ziva's favorite place in Israel. It had been warm and sunny October morning in the neighborhood of Bat Galim, and Ziva decided to take a walk. After a few feet she had noticed a large moving wan, tailed by a red Ford. When the Ford had stopped a small form emerged from the passenger side of the car, looking curiously around. Her eyes met Ziva's, but neither of them walked closer or even said hello. With a swift movement, Ziva turned and ran home only to tell her mother moments later of the new family moving into the neighboring house. Ziva's mother had welcomed Becka and her grandmother with a wide smile and a fig pie that same evening.

The families visited each other often and Becka had been overwhelmed by the amount of love she received from the David family. The young girl had not been too fond of Ziva in the beginning, she considered her distant and proud; the one that brought the two girls together had been Tali.

As the years passed, Ziva had never felt the urge to ask her friend where her parents were. She was the daughter of a high ranked Mossad officer and she suspected that Becka's parents were as well involved with Mossad. One evening though, when both were about fourteen, Ziva found out that both of Becka's parents were no longer among the living. Her mother, Ahava, had been a very skilled agent, but when her cover had been blown, the young woman had paid with her life. Becka had told her how her mother had infiltrated into a Russia mafia cell, where she had bewitched one of the main players there. He had fallen in love with Ahava, but had killed her when he found out her true identity and intentions. Her father Noah, a chemical engineer had passed away a year later, leaving Becka with her grandmother.

A shy smile graced Ziva's features when she remembered the day Becka and Ari had met. It had been love at first sight with Ziva being the person who provided cover stories for the two lovers. Their relationship lasted for three years, with only Ziva's mother having vague knowledge of its existence. Ari's intense involvement with Mossad and director David involvement in his son's life had destroyed the relationship leaving both parties heartbroken. Ari had asked to be assigned to an undercover mission, while Becka used her trust fund to pursue her studies abroad. Ziva and Becka's roads parted when Ziva had opted to study in Paris while Becka chose Geneva. Ziva had been more than happy to escape the drama that engulfed her life. Tali had died the previous year and her mother had died, after struggling with cancer for a long time, two months before the beginning of Ziva's first semester at Sorbonne.

In the end their paths crossed again in Israel, both fighting for the same cause, both filled with rage and feeling the need to seek revenge. The terrorist cell that had killed Tali a few years before had killed Becka's grandmother on the streets of Tel Aviv.

At age 23 they had successfully managed to wipe out the cell, barely making it out alive. In the heat of gun fire, Becka had met Caleb and after a long and painful recovery the two got engaged only to be married two years later. Shortly after Caleb's and Becka's small reception Ziva left for America after receiving news of Aris' actions.

When Becka had informed her that she was expecting her first child, Ziva had flown to Tel Aviv to be by her side, and when Noah had been born Ziva had been there.

Over the years the two friends have stayed in touch, constantly visiting each other, but one particular memory scared Ziva the most. For a long time she had chosen to ignore to recall the evening when Becka had placed the life of her son in her hands.

On Noah's second birthday, Ziva had returned to Tel Aviv, her position as liaison officer at NCIS terminated, the weight of Jenny's death heavy on her shoulders. Before she had been sent on another mission she had visited her friend, celebrating Noah's birthday.

Ziva closed her eyes, letting out a shaky breath while moving Noah closer to her heart. She could recall the conversation perfectly, like it would have happened two hours and not two years ago.

≈**Flashback≈**

_She was sitting on the comfortable beige couch of Becka's and Caleb's home, a glass of red wine in front of her, while Becka picked up the wrapping paper that was lying on the floor, chuckling softly. Noah had been ecstatic when he had seen the big pile of colorful boxes._

_She finally sat down on the couch crossing her legs, snuggling closer to Caleb. They looked perfect together and deep down inside Ziva envied them a little bit for having found happiness. _

"_Ziva I'm so sorry for you loss. I know Jenny was a dear friend of yours." Becka spoke sadness in her eyes._

_Ziva looked away, afraid that the tears that she had been holding in for so long would find their way to the surface._

"_At least she died doing something she was passionate about. Her death was planned and she did not allow her illness to claim her." Ziva replied, her voice thick with sorrow._

"_I don't even want to imagine how agent Gibbs might feel. Losing someone who is close to you is hard, but loosing the woman you love can kill you." Caleb spoke, while pulling Becka closer._

"_Ziva, I know you got accustomed to America and I know you see all the people there as your family and as your friend I'm asking: how are you? " Becka asked, leaning forward so she could see Ziva better._

"_I'm fine Becka. No worries." The swift answer came, but her eyes never met her friends, too afraid that she might see the truth behind her deceiving words._

"_Ziva, look at me and tell me again that you are fine." Becka demanded and Ziva closed her eyes, taking a big breath._

_Slowly she turned, so she could met Becka's gaze and spoke: "Honestly…I miss them dearly, all of them. I miss Gibbs more then I could ever miss my own father, I miss McGee's kind heart, I miss Abby's craziness and Ducky's wittiness, I even miss the autopsy Gremlin that is Palmer; but mostly I miss Tony. I know he blames himself for Jenny's death and I am worried about him because I left him in the company of sadness, despair and a bottle of Jack Daniels."_

"_I know Ziva. I wish I could take the pain away from you." Becka whispered._

_Silence embraced them, while all of them were lost in their own thoughts._

"_Ziva, I know you have been though a lot the past couple of weeks, but we need to speak to you about a very important matter." Caleb broke the silence._

"_It's more a request, and we are doing this because we trust you, and only you."Becka trailed away, causing Ziva to raise an eyebrow._

"_This a very delicate matter and we beg of you to keep it to yourself. Becka and I are in an, how should I put it, insecure position, one that might have only two endings. Either it works out in our favor and we join you in America, or we wind up in a grave." Caleb explained._

"_What is this all about? I need to know, and I'm sure we can come up with a solution. I can help, you know that, right?" Ziva spoke, but was quickly silenced by Becka._

"_It is better if you don't know the details my friend. The only thing you have to know is that we are walking on very thin ground. Because you are Noah's godmother, and because I trust you with my life, I am putting Noah's in your capable hands. If anything should happen to Caleb and me, you have to take care of Noah for us. We will find a way to get him safely to you." _

"_Becka, this is ridiculous! I am sure we can find a way to get all of you safe to America. You need to tell me who poses a threat to your lives." Ziva argued._

"_Promise me Ziva! Promise me you will take care of my son in case something happens to us." Becka pressed, grabbing Caleb's and Ziva's hand._

_Once again, silence embraced the room, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. Caleb's and Becka's eyes never left Ziva and she finally gave in. _

"_You have my word. But you know damn well that I would have cared for him even if you hadn't asked me. I love him as he would be my own son." Ziva replied_

"_Thank you Ziva. We are forever in your debt." Caleb smiled._

"_It might be that we will show up at your door step in the middle of the night, or someone will come to you with Noah. I hope you remember where the safe house is; if anything should happen to us, it is yours to use." Becka went on._

"_We also set up a trust fund for him; he should receive the money when he turns twenty-one, but there is enough money for the both of you. There is cash in the safe, but also the papers from the bank account in Zürich…." Caleb explained but Ziva's furious expression startled him._

"_Did I say something wrong?" he asked dumbly._

"_I am happy that you have thought about his future and set up the account for him, but I do not need money Caleb. My financial situation is in a good state, and there is no need to pay me for taking care of him!" Ziva replied harshly, her eyes flashing dangerously._

"_God Ziva, don't look at it like that. We know you can care for him and it is done with love, but we want to help…."_

"_Then do it by staying alive Becka." Ziva interrupted._

"_As I was saying, this is our little boy we are talking about, and the fact that raising a child is expensive. He might wish to have a computer, or books in different languages, or even a piano. I do not want you to exhaust your finances for him." Becka explained, her eyes seeking understanding in Ziva's tense and angry features._

"_I understand Becka, but I do not wish to speak about this anymore. I am sure I'll manage to get all three of you safe and sound in America." Ziva explained._

"_Well, aren't you confident my dear. Then I believe your judgment." Caleb laughed._

"_One more thing, Ziva." Becka began._

"_Yes?"_

"_Never, and I mean never, let him join Mossad." Becka stated gravely and then changed the subject._

≈**End Flashback≈**

Remembering all the good times she spent with Becka and her family brought on another wave of pain. She softly laid her check on Noah's soft hair, while she silently mourned her best friend and her husband.


	4. Helping Hands

**Hello :))...Here it is...the next chapter...I hope my muse will not go on vacation any time soon...I really want to write this story, plus "His past, her present, their pain"..keep your finger crossed folks :))**

**I do not own NCIS, never have and never will...By now I am pretty sure you guys know what I own :))**

**Read, review and enjoy :))**

**xoxo LT  
**

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**Helping Hands**

She was freaking out and she knew it, but could do nothing to stop herself from sliding down that path. She had promised Becka and Caleb that she will take care of Noah, but now she wasn't sure she could fulfill her oath.

She had slowly rocked the boy to sleep, and it seemed that for that short amount of time the world around them disappeared leaving them in a protective shell, suspended in time and grief. At one point she had decided that Noah needed to be moved to a bed or at least a couch so he could get some proper sleep. Ziva had knocked on Vance's door and asked permission to leave the boy there. The director, toothpick in his mouth, had given her a short nod, stood up and retrieved a blanket from a drawer and draped it over the sleeping form. He had ushered Ziva out of the room, following closely, leaving the door of his office slightly opened so Cynthia could monitor him in case he woke.

Now her hands were free, no longer sustaining the clinging boy and she felt useless while trying to focus on her paperwork. Her fingers started shacking making it almost impossible for her to write a damn thing and her breathing was becoming labored; she could feel chills going down her spin.

"_I'm not fit to be a mother. Who am I kidding? He would be better off in a foster home then with me."_ She thought, letting a sight escape her tight pressed lips.

On the other side of the bullpen, a younger agent was studying the statue that was his coworker. She stared intensely at her computer screen; one could not tell that she was bothered by something, but that she was only working very hard. Yet special agent Timothy McGee knew that she wasn't actually focusing on the pile of reports lying on her desk that had to be submitted to the data-bank. He had been monitoring her movements since she had left director Vance's office some thirty minutes ago.

It was a shock for him to find out that Ziva had lost yet another dear person, and it was more shocking to find out that she had become a foster mother. After the emotional reunion of Ziva and Noah, officer Bashan and Mili had left the conference room, Tony had fled through the open doors and Gibbs had dragged him out of there, allowing the two heartbroken people some space. He had been fascinated by how Ziva's features had softened once she had seen the little boy flung himself into her arms. When she had walked back into the almost empty bullpen, McGee could see that she was thinking intensely and he had a pretty good idea about what. Numerous times he had tried to speak to her, but it seemed that words, forming in his brain, would not escape his lips. The more he was looking at her, the more he wanted to talk to her, only to distract her from her thoughts that evidently were eating her alive. The cool Mossad mask she had always put on without any sign of effort was now lacking and she was growing paler by the second. The moment he heard her sight, he knew that he needed to speak to her, and now, seeing the panic in her features, the bewildered eyes, he knew that he had to help her somehow, because she was his friend.

Silently he stood up from his chair, and inched closer to her desk. Ziva did not seem to notice him, and, McGee could see the sweet on her forehead, the tremor of her hands and her shallow breathing. It dawned on him, that the ex-Mossad assassin was having a panic attack.

Stepping a little closer towards her, and taking a deep breath, her decided to speak, in spite of his instincts that were telling him to run.

"Ziva, are you ok?" he breathed out, but she did not seem to hear him, instead she let her head drop in her palms, a sob escaping her petite frame.

McGee, who was now standing next to her desk, extended his hand so he could touch her shoulder, but stopped before making contact with her frame, remembering how much she hated to be touched.

"Hey." He began "you know everything will be ok?"

After what seemed to be an eternity, she raised her face from her palms and looked at him.

"Nothing will be ok, McGee. I can't do this."

"That's not true Ziva." He responded, his voice comforting.

"Yes! It is true. I'm not fit to be a mother. I have taken lives McGee, not nurtured them, and not raised them to be good and healthy people." She yelled back at him.

Her voice echoed in the bullpen, and McGee did not dare to contradict her. He could read the growing panic clearly now, and he was at a loss of words.

"I'm sorry Tim. I didn't mean to yell at you." She spoke, her tone calmer.

"It's ok, Ziva. You can take it out on me if you want, I don't mind." He replied sheepishly.

"No Tim, it's not fine, and I am sorry for snapping at you. It's just that, I am lost. I don't know how I am supposed to give this little, damaged boy a proper home. I can barely keep my own nightmares at bay, how am I going to protect him from his own. McGee, Noah has seen both his parents getting shot by terrorists." She explained, pushing her chair back and letting her head fall into her hands once again.

McGee moved swiftly and kneeled in front of her looking at her head intensely.

"I am sure you will make a great mum Ziva, and we are here to help you. You are not in this alone. I'm sure Abby will me more than thrilled to help you out with him, and I am here as well. Gibbs can give you advice, and Tony, well he can go and play ball in the park with him, when you need a break." He said, laying his hand on her knee.

"Huh! Yes, I am sure, Tony would be more than happy to help. He ran for the seas when he saw Noah." She said.

"The hills, Ziva. It's ran for the hills, not seas." He corrected.

"Yeah, never mind. I'll shut up. Sorry." He apologized after seeing her murderous expression.

"Do you think we would let you handle this all on your own Ziver? A warm voice spoke next to hear, a gentle palm on her back, rubbing small circles. He put a steaming cup of jasmine tee in front of her, causing her eyes to light up.

"Come on Ziva, let's get you some fresh air. McGee, find DiNozzo and go down to Abby's lab. Wait for me there." He smirked, walking towards the elevator. Her brows furrowed, and she swiftly turned to McGee for answers. He had risen from his crouching position and looked at her, nodding his head towards Gibbs.

"Today, David!" Gibbs barked, and Ziva grabbed her tea and ran to the elevator, sliding in just before the doors closed.

The ride down was silent and in the beginning a little bit awkward, but she could feel also a small wave of relief wash over her. Once the elevator doors open once more, they were greeted by the warm September air and Ziva took a deep breath, feeling how the air invaded her stressed lungs. In front of them, the NCIS Park, was filled with life and discussions. Agents were taking advantage of the few spare minutes they had, by unwinding. Ziva could see a group of four sitting around a small table, sipping from their steaming cups of coffee, bouncing ideas of each other, while checking for facts in the papers lying in front of them. It was a calming sight and Ziva wished nothing more than to be doing just that. Both her and Gibbs walked towards an empty bench and set down side by side, no words exchanged. It was becoming uncomfortable, but she couldn't gather her courage to talk to him about the problem. She was taking deep breaths, trying to calm her nerves, but it seemed that every breath she took would only bring on another wave of panic.

She finally spoke when she noticed that the senior agent would not begin the conversation.

"I can't do this."

Her words were a soft whisper drowned by a small sob, feeling the panic starting to rush through her system again. She was playing with her cup refusing to look Gibbs in the eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Gibbs shifted his body so he could see her better. Seeing her so broken filled him with pain and he couldn't help the anger bubbling up inside of him. What had this woman done to deserve yet another burden?

"Ziver, you know that's not true. You are a capable of this, you have it in you. For the past five years you have been taking care of both McGee and Tony, always watching their six." Gibbs explained, fighting the urge of wrapping her in a hug.

"That's different Gibbs. Tim and Tony are grown men." Ziva said, still not meeting his gaze.

"Says who? I'm pretty sure Noah is more mature then both McGee and DiNozzo put together." Gibbs chuckled, causing Ziva to laugh and turn towards him.

"You might have a point there, but there are some issues here. For starters I live in a one room apartment with a couch fitting one person. I do not even own a mattress. Where is Noah going to sleep?" She explained, panic creeping in her voice once more.

"I know where the both of you will be staying until you find a bigger apartment. I have enough space and you can sleep in my house and be sure that the team will help you. Ziva, you don't have to face this alone, this isn't Israel anymore." Gibbs explained.

"Thank you Gibbs, but we couldn't burden you. We'll find another way."

"I see you don't want to take it as a friendly offer, so I will turn it to an order. Ziva, both you and Noah will be sleeping at my house. Right now, that little boy need shelter and peace, a stable way to cope with his lose and pain." He trailed away, giving the Israeli his famous stare.

She took a deep breath, smiling slightly. "Thank you."

"Vance knows of this and strangely enough the bastard has offered his help." He said, chuckling at Ziva's surprised stare.

"Yes, cut me off guard as well. Never thought the man had a sensitive bone in his body, but I think being married and having kids softened even the unkindest heart."

"I need to look for a day care. I can't take care of him during the day." Ziva said, looking at the four agents still talking.

"Vance has covered that as well. He will keep the boy in his office and Cynthia is more than willing to keep an eye on him. In case the director and his assistant are busy I'm pretty sure Abby will be happy to care for him. Ducky and Palmer are in as well and they have offered to help when needed. Noah is a quiet boy, he will not cause problems." Gibbs enlightened the exhausted woman next to him.

"Ziva, I don't want to give you time off. You need to stay focused and busy; I know where your mind travels when you're alone and I am determined to prevent that as much as I can." The older agent explained softly.

She sighted deeply her eyes closed, while taking another small sip from her cup.

"Thank you." She said, her eyes still closed.

"You're welcome Ziver." He said wanting to get up.

"Gibbs."

"Yeah."

"I do not want my father to find out about Noah's whereabouts. Could you please speak to Vance as well about this matter?" she asked, her brown eyes boring intensely into his.

He nodded, lifting himself off the bench, only to be followed by Ziva.

"I think we should get back. Noah won't be happy waking up alone.

The elevator trip was silent, but Ziva felt at peace. She knew that with the help of her team she would be able to take care of Becka's son.

Once the elevator doors opened with a soft sound she was greeted by Noah's cries. The Israeli ran towards the stairs leading to the director's office, climbing two steps at a time. Once inside the office she could see Cynthia trying to calm the crying boy.

Noah spotted Ziva and ran towards her, circling her thighs with his arm, burring his face into the soft fabric of her cargo pants.

In-between sobs, he spoke, his words tearing Ziva apart. "Iva please don't leave me.


	5. Lost in Transition

**Dear all,**

**here is the next chapter. I hope you like it. Feel free to come up with ideas for this story. I have written a few chapters that will come later on in the story. I'll try to update as soon as possible. Stay tunned for the next chapter of "His past, her present, their pain." It's almost done :))**

**Read, review &enjoy :))**

**xoxo LT**

**Disclaimer: Don't own NCIS...I think by now you guys know what I own :)**

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**Lost in Transition**

The hours seemed to fade away and yet a shattered man did not have the courage to face the world again. For him time had stood still the moment he had seen the child and he knew that nothing could ever be the same again. In the poorly lit room, between rows and rows of shelves a fallen knight was trying to figure out how to live again or at least find the strength to lift himself from the cold concrete floor. His back was leaning against the wall; his right leg bent slightly allowing his right arm to rest on it. The injured leg, the one that had cost him his career as a professional football player, was flatly lying on the floor, while his left hand was holding a now tussled tie. It was his favorite tie, only because she had picked out for him a long time ago. Now it was as crumpled as he felt and somehow depicted the relationship he and Ziva have had over the years. Sometimes perfect and beautiful, other times a war zone leaving them with wounds that would probably never heal. Absentmindedly he rubbed his leg, wincing slightly. He swore quietly and tried to flex the muscles, but they did not seem to obey him today. Tony did not need a hurting leg now, not when his heart was aching so badly. His index finger rubbed his temple furiously, and he hoped that maybe he could escape the impending doom of a migraine. Next to him, on the dusty floor a phone vibrated for the tenth million time, but he ignored it once again. He did not need to check the caller id to know who was looking for him. It seemed that the only one managing to keep everything together today was McGee. The young agent had showed courage when he had gravitated closer to Ziva, ready to step in if there was any threat. When Noah had been brought it in, it was McGee who had tried to somehow make the shaken boy more comfortable.

Every time Tony remembered how he had behaved when the boy entered the room he wished he could slap himself harder then Gibbs ever did. The moment he realized that Noah was basically Ziva's kid now, he felt the whole room beginning to shrink and suffocate him. He had wanted to flee the room instantly, but Ziva's anger towards Mili and the pain she experienced from losing, once again, two very important people, had kept him there. While watching the interaction between godmother and child he couldn't help himself feel something break inside of him, like somebody was stabbing him in the chest. He wasn't jealous or anything of that kind, he just knew that he had lost all hope. Over the past few months he and Ziva had somehow managed to reach a level of normality. When they had brought her back she was a ghost, a person that had lost all will and power to live and fight. Gradually though she regained her physical strength and her mental one. Tony had doubts that the emotional healing process was going as well as the other two. She refused to speak to anybody about Michael or her father and she had not let Tony even come close to such a subject. Only once had a bitter remark managed to pass through her usually sealed lips. She had told him that once she had considered herself to be extremely lucky to still have her father alive. Now she considered herself lucky to have lost a father, instead of losing herself.

To make sure that she was well at all times Tony had taken it upon himself to make her enjoy life again and to cease her self-destruction. When she had been let back into the field she had thrown herself into her work with a fury never seen before. She would spend hours in the office and work harder than anybody else. Yet Tony knew that Ziva dreaded finishing work and going home. Fear would flash in her eyes for a briefly and most of the time he felt helpless. He offered to keep her company, make her feel safe after work but she refused every time, giving him the same line over and over again. Although she had mastered the art of deception and she could basically fool anybody around her, she had sounded like a frightened girl every time had she called him at two o'clock in the morning apologizing and asking him if he could talk her back to sleep. He had driven over every time, although she had never asked him to, and made sure that her demons would let her be for one night. From that point on she had not refused his company and they had spent almost seven days out of seven together. Although he loved going out and having drinks with her and the rest of the team, his favorite Ziva-Tony time was at her apartment watching a movie, or more precisely Ziva studying for her citizenship test and him pretending to watch a movie while observing her. Countless were the times when she would fall asleep, head resting on her books and he would lift her up and put her to bed. Sometimes he would linger a while longer only to make sure that no nightmares would disturb the precious rest she needed.

Another sharp stab in his chest and Tony had to fight back a sob. Everything that had managed to build was currently going down in flames. His palm rubbed his cheek and he moved slightly, feeling his back and rear side fall asleep from too much sitting.

He would not be able to come over whenever he wanted, because now she did not have time for movies, take out or just talking and joking. Now she had a child, a heartbroken child, to take care off. He knew that she had to help the little boy fight his own demons and experiences; problem was who would help her get over hers?

Tony sighted and stirred again, the image of Ziva hugging Noah very vivid in his head. Gone would be the emotional vulnerability she had showed him numerous times, now she had to rely on her inner strength once more. Out of these things it hurt him the most the fact that she would have no space for him anymore in her life. He wanted to kick himself for being so selfish, but on the inside he was mourning the loss of his best friend and the closeness they had shared. His head fell back against the wall and he started bumping it against the concrete hoping that at some point he would know how to handle Noah, her more precisely how to handle the "it" him and Ziva had.

McGee found Tony still bumping his head against the wall twenty minutes later. He took Tony's lousy state in and breathed deeply, knowing that the man will at one point tell him what's bothering him, although he had a pretty good idea what it was. Quietly he sat down next to his friend and removed his tie, watching Tony intensely.

"Leave me alone McGoo. I'm not in the talking mood." He said tiered, his right hand rubbing his face.

"I don't want to talk. I'm here to get you, but since I am here and it's quiet I decided to sit." McGee explained causing Tony to chuckle.

"Gibbs sent you." Tony concluded and McGee wasn't surprised by his statement. "Sorry probie for disappearing on you. Just needed some time to think." The man went on, turning his head towards McGee's direction but not ceasing his head banging.

"DiNozzo, I would stop that if I were you. Gibbs already gave you brain damage and I don't think you want to make it worst." McGee laughed pointing towards Tony's head.

"Heh! I thought I would make the migraine go away. Turns out it only made it worst."

"Wow, Tony, how did you come to the conclusion that hitting your head against a wall would make the migraine only worst? That's pure genius." McGee noted with sarcasm.

Tony did not reply, instead left his vision roam through the room. He liked going into the evidence looker. It was the only place in the building where he could lose himself and nobody would notice. Here he could throw a fit, scream on top of his lungs and no one would hear him.

"How did you find me?" Tony broke the silence.

"Well, Abby's lab and the morgue were busy so there was no way for you to hide there. The break room was full and I know you did not leave the premises. Gibbs would have had your head." Tim explained, getting his phone out of his pocket and putting it next to him.

"Why should I be hiding McGee?" an irritated Tony asked.

"Tony, I saw your face when Noah came into the room. You were practically climbing out the window. The moment Gibbs opened the door to the conference room you bolted. I knew that you needed some time to chew this through. I get it, this is big and it will change everything between you and Ziva." McGee spoke, putting an arm on Tony's shoulder.

"It will change everything McGee. We were just going back to normal and now…" he let the words linger, sure that McGee would understand.

"You need to define what normal is Tony. You guys went to hell and back. I'm sure you will be able to work this trough." McGee went on seeing the doubt on Tony's face.

"It's not the fact that Ziva and me are more messed up, I'm afraid that a kid would shatter any remaining balance she still has. She'll do exactly what she had done when she started working again; throw herself into work not caring that it could exhaust her to death. I do not know how to deal with that and her not letting anybody help her. She has been so reluctant to let anybody in, now she'll put her defenses back on."

"I don't think she will not let us help her. Tony she had a panic attack earlier." Tim told him, studying his features.

Tony's body left the ground and was now hovering over McGee. "What?" he said, starring at McGee, his face a picture of pure concern.

"What happened? Did she have a flashback?"

The IT expert shook his head patiently, hoping that he would be able to calm Tony somehow.

"No. She freaked because of Noah. She thinks she will not be able to be a good parent." He explained.

"That's ridiculous!" The older agent spoke frowning.

McGee shrugged, taking his phone and getting up from his sitting position.

"Where is she now?"

"She's with Gibbs. He took her out for some coffee, while Noah slept. He wants us to go down to Abby's lab and wait for him." Tim explained moving towards the elevator.

"Hey McGee wait up. Why does Gibbs want to talk to us?" Tony asked running after McGee, who was already inside the elevator.

"Dunno. But I think we should get going." He said pressing the button of the elevator when he saw Tony slide in.

The ride was silent, both men deep in thought. When the doors opened they both saw that the team was already there. Even Palmer showed up.

"Glad you both could join us." Gibbs spoke.

"When do I get to see Naoh, Gibbs?" Abby asked clapping happily.

"When Ziva says it's ok. She's calming him down as we speak." Gibbs explained, pulling a chair.

"What's this all about Jethro?" Ducky asked and the gray haired agent could see that this question was on everybody's mind.

"We need to help Ziva. She's overwhelmed and she needs all the help she can get." He began turning slightly so he could see everybody.

"I offered her to stay at my place until she can get a bigger apartment. When we don't have a case I want us to go with her apartment hunting. I told Ziva that you would help her with babysitting when needed. She has to bring him to work, so Abby and Ducky I will be relying on you to keep an eye on him once in a while. He's a quiet kid so he won't give you any trouble." He trailed away, looking at the happy Goth and the ME.

"Yey! We will have so much fun." She jumped but seeing Gibbs' expression made her bow her head and keep quiet.

"You have to go easy on the kid. He lost both his parents, saw them getting 's already terrified that he'll lose Ziva as well. Be patient with him." Gibbs advised.

"Is that understood?" they all nodded looking at him while he stood up from his chair.

"One more thing. DiNozzo, I hope you won't be bolting every time you see her with Noah. She's your partner and she'll need you."

He nodded and Gibbs left leaving his team behind.


	6. And so it begins

**Dear all,**

**thank you very much for your lovely reviews. I want to thank everybody who also put my story as favorite, or to story alert. I am very glad. Here is the next chapter. Feedback is more then welcome. Read, review & enjoy.**

**xoxo LT**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own NCIS :))**

* * *

**And so it begins**

They met Ziva in the bull pen, Noah on her heal. The boy looked shyly at the people around him, peeking from behind Ziva's right leg. It was for the first time that Tony could get a better look at the boy who had been hiding all day long. Every time he had tried to get a better look at him, in the conference room, he seemed to be able to wiggle his way out of his view point. Now, even though his shyness was very clear, Tony could see that curiosity was slowly driving the boy towards them. His short brown hair was a mess and its texture looked similar to Ziva's. His olive complexion was somehow similar to Ziva's although he had the impression that Noah's skin was a tad lighter. He was struck by his sad eyes, almond eyes the color of coal, eyes big, innocent and wounded, but intelligent. His round face was home to a small button like nose and thin lips. He was the perfect height for his age and his body type showed an energetic boy, one that liked to play outdoors. He was watching everybody intently, his forehand resting just above the crock of Ziva's knee and when McGee moved suddenly towards him, Noah quickly hid his face in the fabric of her pants.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you Noah." McGee began seeing Noah's reaction. Ziva turned around half kneeling in front of Noah. She cupped his check and spoke softly in Hebrew, making him come out of his shell.

"Tatelah, these are my friends, my family. They will not harm you, trust your dodah." She explained and her soothing words had the effect of calming him down.

"Shall I introduce you to them?" she trailed away, watching his every move. She felt liberated by the fact that the boy seemed to understand her and let her through. When she had tried to calm him down almost an hour ago, he had gone into shut down mode, not hearing what she was telling him. She then realized that Noah probably suffered a panic attack when he had woken up into a strange and unknown place without a familiar face. He had eventually calmed down and even smiled when Ziva had promised a piece of candy. It was only then that she realized the boy had not eaten all day. She had ordered him something from the deli next door and it warmed her heart seeing his face light up at the sight of chicken nuggets and French fries.

Noah pondered her question for a few seconds and then nodded, grabbing her hand in the process. She stood up with a smile glad to see that he had returned the smile.

"Noah, this agent Gibbs, my boss. His desk is right next to mine and we will be staying at his house tonight." She explained, showing him Gibbs.

"Hello Noah." Gibbs spoke, kneeling down so he may be at the same level with the boy and at the same time extending his hand.

Noah looked at him, his eyes big and Gibbs noticed that his first reaction was to step back so he could feel Ziva's legs behind her. Slowly the small boy took Gibbs' big hand in his own and greeted him softly.

"Are you my uncle?" Noah asked.

Gibbs chuckled and shook his head.

"Then why are we staying at your house?" he continued, with a puzzled look on his face.

Ziva chuckled and bent down, seeing as the boy had turned to her. "My house is too small for the both of us tatelah. We will be staying with Gibbs until we have a bigger one."

He nodded and looked back at Gibbs, studying his features with a curiosity Gibbs had long not seen.

Noah's eyes fixed themselves on his shoes and Gibbs knew that the small boy was embarrassed by something.

"Mister dodah Iva's boss, do you have pop tarts at home?" the boy asked, not daring to lift his gaze from his sneakers.

At that point both men behind Gibbs and Ziva started laughing, causing Noah to look up. Seeing Gibbs' expression made the boy loosen up and smile a little.

"I do have some at home Noah. "He said lifting himself up looking at the two other men.

"This here is Tim McGee, my colleague and sitting opposite Gibbs. He is very good with computers" She explained pointing towards McGee.

Noah felt braver and extended his hand to McGee who gladly took it.

"Hy, Noah." He greeted and the boy shook his hand.

"Shalom, mister McGee." He said.

"No mister Noah. Just call me Tim or McGee." He explained stepping away from the boy.

"Noah, this is my partner and my good friend Tony. He sits in front of me." She pointed, not looking at Noah, only at Tony.

"You have the Mighty Mouse stampler, right?" Noah asked excited, his eyes shinning, a bright smile on his normally shy and composed face.

"Yeah, I do little men. Nice to meet you." Tony said crouching down so he could be at the same level with the boy.

"Mister Tony could I play with the stampler?" he asked all of a sudden shyly.

"It's stapler Noah, and yes you can play with it any time you want. Also, like in Tim's case here, no mister for me" Tony corrected earning him an angry glare, which he chose to ignore, from Ziva.

"What do you say Noah?" Ziva asked.

"Thank you Tony." The four year old smiled, looking at Tony as if the agent was a toy himself.

Noah quickly made his way towards Tony's desk to get the stapler, while McGee and Gibbs went their separate ways, one down to Abby's lab and the other for another coffee fill.

Tony and Ziva stayed behind, her eyes trained on the small boy's movements, while Tony's gaze follower her.

"You're googling again." Ziva spoke not turning around to face him.

"Heh, it's ogling Ziva." He corrected and she smiled softly shifting her body closer to his.

"Toda Tony." She spoke.

He knew what she meant, but his first reaction was to make a joke. Only after seeing her troubled features did he decide to keep his mouth shut.

"You should have brought him to my place. I have room for all three of us." Tony spoke all of a sudden after a period of silent Noah watching.

She turned towards him once more and smiled sadly.

"We have just started rebuilding our friendship. It's delicate and I did not want to make matters more complicated by asking you for shelter. Matter of fact my first thought was going to a hotel with him. Gibbs offered his home and I saw it as a good idea." She explained, but stunned to see a puzzled expression on her partner's face.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you see it as a good idea?" he asked, both of them moving towards her desk. Her body made contact with the edge of her desk and she sat down, exhaling loudly, while he stood close to her, allowing her a view of Noah's activity.

"Because he has the experience Tony. I have no clue when he's supposed to be in bed, or what he should eat. I have never been in this situation before, but Gibbs has and he can help me." She explained, searching his features for any sign that he might be displeased with her answer.

"Say something." She begged him when he remained quiet for a longer time.

"I thought you were angry with me when I left the conference room earlier. I thought that was the reason you asked Gibbs for a place to stay." He confessed looking sheepishly at her.

"Don't be ridiculous Tony. I have not given that incident too much thought." She lied. The truth was it had bothered her that Tony had left and avoided her all day. She felt disappointed, but she couldn't put her finger why she was feeling like that.

He opened his mouth to comment something but quickly changed his mind, looking back at the boy.

"Do you have stuff for him? I mean clothes and toys?" he trailed away looking at her.

"He has two suitcases. I have no clue what's in them. I hope I will be able to find a new apartment soon, and then I can worry about everything else." She exhaled, her body slumping forward.

"Tomorrow's Friday and this weekend we're not on call, and I have nothing to do so we can go apartment hunting." He quickly explained, getting more excited. The prospect of him spending quality time with her made him almost dizzy.

"What, no hot date this weekend?" she teased, smirking when she saw the effect the words had on him.

"Funny, Zi! Very funny." He muttered and she laughed, playfully smacking his arm.

"I am joking DiNozzo. I'll be more than happy to go apartment hunting with you. I will ask Gibbs if he could keep an eye on him that is if Noah agrees." She explained, her eyes caressing the playing child in front of her.

"Well, I have a plan how we can be more productive." He claimed, giving her the DiNozzo trade mark grin.

"Tony, what are you down to?" she asked, glaring suspiciously at him.

"It's _up_ Ziva and trust me on this one." He grinned, while she still gave him the evil eye.

"Normally I would threaten to kill you with a credit card, but today, I'm too tiered for this." Ziva spoke, jumping from her desk, and walking the short distance where Noah was playing.

Tony's features softened when she saw her crouching down and brushing Noah's hair from his face. A few seconds later Gibbs walked into the bullpen, coffee in hand.

"Go home." He said and was glad that McGee, who had just walked him, had heard him. He hated to repeat himself.

They all nodded and moved towards their desks to gather their stuff. Noah was still playing on the floor, while Ziva got everything done.

"Ziva, here's the key to my place. You go first, I have something to finish." He said, extending his arm towards the Israeli.

"You lock up now, Gibbs?" McGee asked.

"Yeah, McGee, I do. To many nosy people in my house." He chuckled, leaving the bull pen.

"Ziva, do you have a car seat for him?" McGee asked, but her "really now McGee?" expression made him regret his question.

"Of course you don't. Sorry. I'll give you a lift to the boss's house." He offered, while she lifted Noah up.

"Thank you McGee, but I have to stop first to my apartment and grab some things. I have nothing to wear for tomorrow." She explained, trying to somehow maneuver the two large suitcases, her own backpack and Noah on her hip. The boy was slowly but surely falling asleep and she knew that there was no way he could walk to the car.

"I'll drive you Ziva. Gibbs's house is on my way anyway." He spoke grabbing his own backpack and then the two suitcases. She smiled at him and the both bid McGee a good night, while Noah mumbled something.

The ride to Ziva's apartment was quiet, the only sound, besides the purring of the car engine was Noah's rhythmical breathing. He had fallen asleep the moment the car started moving. Once at her apartment she had quietly slipped out of the car and made her way to her house, only to reappear fifteen minutes later holding a duffle bag. In the mean time Tony had watched over the boy, letting his thoughts roam free.

Tony and Gibbs had parked at the same time, one in the drive way the other in front of the house. The two men had carried the luggage while Ziva had lifted the boy from the car as gentle as possible. She did not want to wake him, yet the boy stirred when he was brought into the house and the sudden fall of one of the suitcases woke him. Tony had apologized a thousand times, only earning him a very consistent head slap, a shriek of surprise from the young boy and a chuckle from the newest probationary agent.

The promised pop tart was given to Noah half an hour after Tony left. The boy had been ecstatic, while Gibbs had showed her two guest rooms next to each other where both Noah and she would sleep. She had tried to reassure him that one bedroom would be enough but Gibbs had insisted that Noah needs to have his own bedroom. It would do him good in the future, the gray haired agent had explained.

When bath time had arrived, Ziva had been completely lost in trying to pursue the young boy to take a bath. Noah had cried and run away from her, and she had chased him through the whole house. It was with Gibbs's help that she had managed to get the boy into the tub and actually stay there. Gibbs had turned the house upside down in search of a tape with some Disney film he had bought for Kelly long time ago. After finding it, Ziva had placed the boy in front of the television and retreated towards the kitchen. She took a bottle of water and sat at the kitchen table, only to be joined shortly after by Gibbs.

"You did good Ziver. This will be easier at one point." He encouraged, earning him a half hearted smile.

"I wish to give him the best, to be the best for him, yet I do not know how. Bath time was a nightmare, and I do not know how to tell him to eat only two pop tarts instead of three. I do not want to be harsh to him; he is a shy child and I being authoritarian would not help. No parenting role models were available to me and adopting my father's style would be a disaster. My mother was a kind woman, but weak in a way. It was always my father's will that was carried out, never hers." She explained, fiddling with the bottle.

"Time will teach you. Mistakes will be made, but only experience can make you a better parent. Neither Shannon nor I had a clue how to handle Kelly when she was born. I thought she did a better job than I did and she thought the opposite. You learn, Ziva, as you go." He told her, standing up from his chair to look at the living room. Noah slept peacefully on the couch and Gibbs walked towards the television set. He took the tape, which read Bambi on it out of the VCR and put it next to device. Ziva had walked in and carefully lifted the boy up, bidding Gibbs a good night. She climbed the stairs and reached the bedroom given to the small boy. He looked tinny in the bed she had just put him into. After making sure that he was perfectly tucked in, she turned the night lamp on, leaving the door ajar and walked towards her own bedroom.

Noah's suitcases had been emptied and the clothing deposited in a small couch opposite her bed. All of his toys were no lying in the room he was currently sleeping in. Among the clothing, books, shoes and the toys there was a metal deposit box. She had tried to find the key but in vain. In the end she had found the key in the belly of Noah's stuffed toy kangaroo. She had decided to open the box after she had put Noah to bed and took a shower. Now, with her hair still damp, she sat herself on her bed and took the box in her hands. The key slipped in easily and a few seconds later the lock gave in. A pile of documents greeted her, along with jewelry, rings, earrings, necklaces beautifully crafted. She finally discovered a thin golden necklace with a beautiful amber ring, and Ziva gasped realizing that this was Becka's ring, the one she had received from her grandmother when she had turned eighteen. She smiled sadly looking at the beautiful ring and she could feel the tears threatening to spill. Ziva put the necklace with the ring back into the deposit box and started sifting through the documents. She had found Caleb's and Becka's will, in which they left all their belongings to their son. Another document appointed Ziva as being Noah's legal guardian and another one were the paper with the bank details to Noah's deposit in Switzerland.

She finally found an envelope with Becka's hand writing. It had only one word on it _"Ziva"_. Taking a deep breath, Ziva took her hunting knife, which was resting beside her and carefully opened the envelope. She took out the neatly folded papers and sat cross-legged on her bed.

_My dear Zivi,_

_If you are reading this letter, then it means that both Caleb and I are no longer amongst the living. Do not be sad my darling, because this also means that our son is alive and in your capable hands. _

_I do not know where to begin this letter, but first of all I want to thank you for keeping your promise and taking care of my little boy. I know this will not be easy on you, especially after what has happened this summer. Zivi, I should have shot Rivkin when I had the opportunity many years ago. You have no idea how much I regret not pulling the trigger back then in Tel Aviv. I am glad that your partner put an end to his miserable life. He deserved it Ziva; no man should have treated you the way he did._

_I am so glad you are alive my friend, words can't even express the relief and happiness I felt when I received news of your rescue. NCIS and America will be a good home to you, I am sure of that._

_After you left for Somalia, information coma across us, and we found out the nature of your mission. We tried to come to your aid, we contacted people and we prepared the mission in secret. Somehow this information leaked and we were hindered, we were sent on a mission. During the summer Caleb and I have tried everything in our power to find out if you were still alive. Your father told us you were probably dead and when we confronted him, he started bombarding us with assignments. It is at that point that we realized that our end was probably very near._

_Listen to me Ziva, you need to know. Your father wanted us dead for a while now. He believed we had incriminating evidence about him and his actions. I will not deny it, we did have information on him, but for safety reasons I will not divulge them in this letter. You will find out at one point, until then please be careful._

_We took care of all our assets, we sold all our houses and we deposited the money in Noah's bank account. In a few weeks, my friend, another sum of money should be deposited into Noah's bank account. Caleb sold his family home in Haifa and I sold my Tel Aviv apartment. I think you remember which one I am talking about; the one where we spent so many pleasant evenings when I was still unmarried. Do not be sad Zivi, now we are at peace and I am glad that I will be together with Caleb._

_Please do not be upset after reading the next lines, we did this for both you and Noah. I know that your newest status at NCIS does not provide a consistent paycheck and I know that your father has terminated any assets you had in your name. What I can tell you for sure, if you would ever want to get in contact with your family, is that your aunt Netty has managed to save some of your money. I met her last week, when she moved out of Israel, disgusted by your father's actions. She told me that she had managed to dissolve some of your accounts and take the money out of them before your father officially pronounced you dead. She is a very persuasive woman, as you know. She also told me that she had managed to save some of your things from your old home. You will find her new address at the end of this letter. Netty has severed all ties to your father and does not wish to ever see him again; she only wishes to see you again my dear Zivi._

_But back to what I intended to tell you in the beginning. Ziva, at the end of this letter you will find the details of a bank account Caleb and I have opened for you. Please do not be angry, it is for the best, trust me. The sum is substantial and you can do whatever you wish with them, but please see it as a gift to you, not payment for taking care of our soon. We will not need the money where we are going._

_In the deposit box you'll find a letter addressed to Noah. Please give it to him when you consider he is old enough to understand. I know he is too small to read it but at one point he should read it. My amber ring is yours to have until Noah will find a girl who will love him as much as he should be loved. Please give him the ring and he can decide if he wants to give it to the woman that will make him happy or not. You can do what you please with my jewelry, they are yours to have and wear them in good health._

_My only regret is that I will not be able to see my son grow into a healthy, intelligent, loving and capable man, and that I will not be able to see him marry and have children. It pains me to think about that and it hurts to not be able to see him anymore. I feel sad that I will not be able to see you Zivi, not see you get married and have children. I am sure you will find a good man that will love you and respect you, give you everything you lacked all these years._

_Attached to this letter is a list of all the things you need to know about Noah. At this age he has one big weakness; he loves pop tarts. He is capable of eating so many until his tummy hurts, but please indulge his little addiction once in a while._

_My dear Zivi, please tell him we love him; please tell him every night before he falls asleep. He needs to understand that we will always be with him, we will watch over him and love him even beyond the grave._

_Please love him and protect him, he so desperately needs it now, as you probably know you are the only person he has in this world._

_I have to finish now Zivi, but remember this, my friend; I love you very much and I will be eternally grateful for having you as a friend._

_Before we part, I have one more request. Do __**NOT**__ let him, under any circumstances, join Mossad. I do not want him to have the same fate we had._

_Shalom Zivi._

_Love,_

_Becka_

Tears had started fall long time ago, and the papers in her hand were wet with her tears. As stated in the later Ziva found two more sheets of paper, one contacting a list with information about Noah and the other with the bank account information.

She put the letter back into the envelope and then back into the deposit box. Silently she made her way towards Noah's room. Once inside she could see that the young boy was sleeping peacefully. She sat down at the edge of the bed, stroking his face. He shifted in his sleep leaning against Ziva's hand. "Tatelah, ima and aba love you very much." She whispered crying.

During the night Ziva woke, not knowing if it was because of her own nightmare or because of a low sound she heard. She listened more attentively, but the sound did not repeat itself. She snuggled back into the bed, but before she drifted back to sleep she heard the sound of shuffling feet. Quietly, Ziva pulled her sig from under her pillow, checking the break on it. Just when she was about to get out of bed, the door opened and a small boy appeared, undecided if he should come in or not. He was rubbing his eyes, and from the yellow light making its way from behind the curtains, she could see that he had been crying.

"Tatelah, come here." She said patting the bed next to her. It was all the invitation he needed and he swiftly climbed into bed, next to her. Noah snuggled closer and she wrapped her arms around him. Minutes later Ziva could hear his even breathing. Sighting she pulled the boy closer and finally fell asleep.

She never knew that Gibbs had checked on them late in the night and had found them clinging to each other as their lives depended on it.


End file.
